Headaches and Nose Bleeds
by rockthecasbah
Summary: Russel wakes up to find he has massive headaches and nose bleeds, and he asks Murdoc for some assistance. He defiantly picked the wrong person.
1. Chapter 1

Headaches and Nose Bleeds

Summary- Russel wakes up to find he has massive headaches and nose bleeds, and he asks Murdoc for some assistance. He defiantly picked the wrong person.

Disclaimer- I don't own Gorillaz bla bla bla.

Chapter 1

Russel smelled the fragrance of Chinese food in his pillow. His head was buried into the cotton ball of fluff, and he had just woken from a peaceful slumber. He signed as he was disappointed at not sleeping any longer. He lay there for about a minute or two, and felt the sharp tension of a migraine take over the right side of his head. He moaned from the pain, and then rubbed his bald head.

His smooth scalp was covered in sweat. Russel didn't seem to have a great night. He lifted his head and saw the sight of blood scattered on his pillow in every which way. His whites eyes barely open yet, was surprised to see this sight. Not only was this strange, but Russel seemed to be quite frightened by it. Not knowing where this blood was from, or who it was from was his thoughts at the moment.

He slowly walked to his bathroom, staring at the ground. The sharp pain in his head had continued as he took each step. Looking at the tiles of the bathroom floor was a better sight to him then the leftover foods. Getting to his counter top, he looked at himself in the mirror, and saw the nose bleed of his. The dripping blood coming down his face, it left him in disgust. He looked like a cat came along and scratched his nose like furniture.

The poor man was now just wetting some tissue and wiped the dried blood from his nose. It was stuck to him like paper to glue, and it frankly annoyed him. The man had no idea of why he was like this, and he had no clue what he was in store for to find out. (MAHAHHAHAHAZWWAJAHAHAHAH)

**Yes, first story to post here, uh, well, R&R please, but, this story will get more funny so don't stop reading now.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**I do not know the real number of the City Morgue, and I don't know if they really answer phones like they do in my story. **

Russel walked to the doors that lead to the long corridor. The nose bleeding and headaches continued as he trudged to the door. He grabbed the cold knob, and at his door was the Asian girl we all know as Noodle. Russel was going to say his morning welcome, but was shocked at her face.

Noodle was staring at him, mouth wide open, and wide eyed. "Ahh……..ahh………..ahhh………ahh………ahhh" Russel was surprised to see her look like this. It wasn't normal. "Noods, you alright, you seem like you have seen a ghost." Noodle backed away and bumped her back against the wall across from his door. Russel stepped closer to her, but she just bundled up. Russel stepped a little closer, and then Noodle just sprinted to her door holding her fingers together in the shape of a cross. "BACK AWAY YOU EVIL SPIRIT!" And those were the last words he got from her.

Russel walked bewildered to the car park, thinking of why he was like this. Noodle wouldn't think he was an evil spirit, or would she? He nose continued to run, and his head continued to hurt.

He looked at the door which lead to the car park. He thought maybe he could get some assistants from 2-D. He knew plenty about headaches. "Oh God." That thought made him think that 2-D's only way of solving a headache was chugging down pain killers. 2-D was the national champion at that. Russel thought of this, but it was worth a shot to get some help, or medication.

He opened the door and walked into the cold and damp car park. Nothing was new and everything was silent. Russel looked around, to see nothing but the normal things that were in their places. He walked slowly, and closed the door with a click behind him.

He heard the faint sound of a doorknob moving in the distance. Sure enough it was 2-D's door trying to open. Russel walked over to it, and it seemed 2-D was trying to get out but couldn't. He could hear 2-D high pitched whines as every time he attempted to open the door it wouldn't even budge. Russel stared at the door, and was going to open the door for the poor man, but 2-D 'finally' opened the thing. "Uh, you need to change your door or something 'D?" 2-D was staring at the floor and had not got a sight of Russel yet, but still replied, "Oh, no, I just noticed I was opening the door the wrong way." 2-D smiled and looked at Russel to see his face. He had become wide eyed like Noodle, and was almost speechless, "Russel……..oh my GOD…..WHAT HAPPENED? OH NO, YOU ARE GOING TO DIE, OH NO, SOMEONE CALL 911, OH GOD, DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NUMDER OF 911? 9…………1…………2!"

Russel was about to speak of his problem, but 2-D had already ran to the phone to call '912'. With his luck, he probably forget Russel was even sick by the time he got to 911. 2-D probably call the city morgue.

_Flash to 2-D on the phone_

"_912, 912, 912." 2-D pushed the numbers in as he repeated the number over and over. "Sorry, this number can not be continued as dialed, please hang up and try again." 2-D listened to the recorded ladies voice, and punched the same numbers in again. "I'm sorry, but your…" He got frustrated and suddenly just banged random numbers in the control pad thing, and continued until he just gave up and out the thing to his ear to see if it worked. "City Morgue, you kill them we chill them. How may I help you?" 2-D looked at the phone with confusion. "Uh yes, I was calling about, uh……………uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…." "Sir, sir, if you aren't going to say anything please hang up." "No, no, no, I was calling for something, but I quite frankly don't remember." _

_2-D thought for about five minutes and the man on the other side of the phone replied to his long 'uhs' and said, "Sir, may I just say….," "DON'T RUSH ME!" "Ok, Ok, calm down." 2-D pondered for about another five minutes, and suddenly he got what he was calling for back in his head._

"_Yes, may I order a '82 inch pizza please?" "Sir, can you tell me what is sounds like when I hang up the phone?" 2-D thought, and just decided to agree, "Ok." The man put the phone on the receiver and 2-D thought of what it sounded like. "Well it kinda was this crackly noise and then…………………wait!" _

_Flash back to Russel_

Russel rubbed his head as he walked to the last person he could count on. Hoping that is last resort would not jump out of their skin at his sight, which was slightly possible. He shuffled his feet to the place where all Kong new they shouldn't touch without permission. The sacred place where it has its own saying, the place where it was replaced twice. The only area known as the household of the Satanist bassist, Murdoc. His Winnebago of horror.

**Wow, last paragraph sucks, but I had to put something in. Besides we all know it is a horror filled place anyway. But, all you please R&R, (I was happy to see some people reading the first chapter ) and I will update as soon as possible. **


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Russel walked to the trailer that was banged into the wall behind it. It spelt horrible from the outside and was probably the same in the inside. The only none usual thing about was that there was no blaring music coming from the abyss inside.

And, Russel, to make he feel better from getting assistants, went to the last person he wanted to ask.

"Murdoc. Can I ask you something?"

Kong went silent, like everyone was watching the reaction he would get from Murdoc. Poor Russel, he felt like he was on the hot seat, and he heard no reply.

"Murdoc……..Murdoc, I am asking nicely."

Still no answer.

"YO MUDS!"

His scream lead to a sound of falling beer bottles, clanging against each other.

A few groans were heard as well, and it seemed Russel had just woken Murdoc from another passed out sleep, again.

Russel was not as scared as he was at first. He knew he was bigger then Murdoc and much more powerful, so it was quite possible to rip that nose off his face and finish what he started.

Nothing seemed to answer the dented and gunshot door, and Russel began to get impatient.

Russel figured Murdoc was not going to answer the door, so he just walked in.

Not knowing what he was getting himself into, he wasn't prepared to find the black raven, Cortez, to attack his face. He fought the bird off and smacked it which made it bang against a pot on the stove in the trailer. Cortez ruffled his feathers, and just gave Russel an evil stare.

"Murdoc, if you don't come and talk to me then your bird is going to be our next dinner. Or you will find your trailer missing again, or just you waking very confused in Mexico."

Russel heard shuffling feet and then saw the sight of the hung over man. He held a beer bottle in his hand, and was about to throw it at Russel but soon saw it was him when he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

"What do you want? Do you know what time it is?"

"Yes, I do, it is 12:30, and I need your help, do you have any medication?"

Murdoc still had a blur in his eyes, and could barely see. He had not noticed why Russel was in here and why he was asking for medication.

"Why do you need medication, go ask what is face, 2-D for some, he has most of our medication over there. He eats the stuff like his meals."

"I did, but he was too worried about me and called '912'."

"What the hell is 912, wait, don't answer that. Why are you here anyway, you look fine."

Russel sighed at the man, and just walked over to his counter and wet a paper towel.

"Here."

Russel rubbed the towel against Murdoc's face, and it wasn't pretty.

"Oei, what the hell are you doing? Ahh this stuff burns, stop, stop, ahha it is burning my skin. Stop, you are going to ruin the face that gets your money."

Russel rolled is eyes at the man's HUGE ego, and just continued to rub Murdoc's crusted eyes. If he loved himself so much, why didn't he just build a statue of himself in the lobby? Eh, shouldn't give him ideas.

He continued to whip until Murdoc just slapped the man's blubbery hand off his face. Murdoc cleaned his own face and slowly opened his eyes with rage. He looked at Russel for a second and saw his face. Murdoc suddenly paused with surprise, and turned around trying to hide his laughter.

"Murdoc, it isn't that funny."

"As sure as hell it is."

"Murdoc, please, I need help and everyone had run and screamed or called some random number. You are the only left that can take care of me without flipping out."

Murdoc put up his finger to tell Russel to wait for him to reply. He settled to a slight giggle, and tolled Russel he would assist.

"Ok, so what was it you said you have now?"

"Well, headaches and nosebleeds."

"Awwww, Russel, why didn't you ever tell me."

Russel was sitting on Murdoc's black couch in his winne and stared at him with confusion.

"Tell you what?"

"That you had your period."

"Ha ha, Murdoc take is seriously now."

"Right……….so anyway, something to stop that nose bleed."

Murdoc thought at his counter in his kitchen as he looked out his window. Something that would suck up things, he thought. And then he sprang up with an idea. He looked over to Russel and said.

"Haha, I have just the thing for those headaches. Now, you just sit there while I go into my bathroom."

Russel sat and thought maybe he did pick the wrong person. He would be lucky if he still had an arm when he left this trailer. So he just sat and waited.

"See works just fine."

Russel sat and stared at the man with disgust.

"Yeah right, having tampons stuck up your nose is just peachy. Why do you have these anyway?"

"Just in case."

Russel still stared at the man.

"What do you mean 'just in case'?"

"Well, it isn't my fault woman bleed in unexpected places."

"That is like saying it isn't their fault that we have random body parts that stand up when we get excited."

Murdoc rolled his eyes at Russel last comment.

"Well at least mine does." (authors note: Ohh burn. XD)

Russel looked at the man with disgust, and embracement. Murdoc seemed to always have the last word. Poor Russel, he never had a girlfriend for long. And now Murdoc had to rub it in too.

"Awwww, poor Russel. Can't say another word to that can you?"

"Shut up, if I hea another word that is cruel to me out of your mouth, I am ripping it right out of your trousers, got it?"

Murdoc rolled his eyes once more at the slight comeback from Russel, and did not continue.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

**Well, I am sorry if it seems some of my writing is from a movie. I am not sure if it is or not, I do not watch movies, so I wouldn't be sure if I am taking something from someone else. Anyway, I didn't get as many reviews as I hoped, and would like it if I would get more. But, here is Chapter 4.**

2-D stared at the phone with a blank stare. He was so confused about how he could be tricked like that, so easily.

He sighed at the thought, and walked out of the room. As he walked back to the car park, he thought of how to help Russel feel better.

Soon enough, he thought of telling him some jokes. No doubt that would work. Even though 2-D did not know a large number of them, he decided to still try the very few he had.

Russel was lying down on the black couch, rubbing his head from the throbbing pain. The headaches still went on, and it seemed his head would pop.

The poor man was being stared at by Murdoc. Russel never noticed this but strangely had a feeling someone was watching him.

Murdoc thought to himself of how to get rid of the headaches. Pain killers were the only things he could think of.

Murdoc walked to a drawer close to his bathroom. He opened it to find it filled with useless pills he stole from 2-D. He mostly took them because 2-D had taken them with some odd liquid. It would make 2-D seem high and loopy. He would also get delusional and talk to himself. Murdoc could not quite remember what the liquid was, but he dug around to find a bottle of them.

Russel heard the ruffling noises that Murdoc was making, and it made his head hurt with more pain. Every noise, every light, made his head hurt more and more. Then he heard the footsteps come to him.

Russel sat up and looked at the much older man standing in front of him and giving him a tired stare. He had his hand out with two pills in it, and in the other a bottle of alcohol.

"I thought you might need these."

"Umm… Murdoc are you sure if I should take it with alcohol? I mean, what if it causes some kind of side effect?"

"It won't, not put them in your mouth and drink up. Or if you prefer to swallow them dry, or chew them and get all that tasty powder in your mouth….what a beautiful taste that is."

Murdoc made an evil smile as he passed the bottle and the pills into Russel's huge hands. The pill only seemed like small ants in his hands.

"Well, bottoms up."

Russel dropped the two pills into his mouth, and chugged some of the drink down. He cringed at the taste, the alcohol was whiskey, and Russel wasn't too fond of whiskey.

"Ahhhhh god Murdoc, why did you give me whiskey?"

"Uh uh, felt like it."

Murdoc left the trailer to find 2-D coming towards him. The blue haired pretty boy was skipping happily to bring some company to Russel.

"2-D, what the hell are you doing?"

"Skipping merrily."

"And you would be doing that because?"

"Oh, I am going to tell Russel some jokes. Can I?"

"No."

"Oh come on, please, pretty please with cherries and nuts and caramel and chocolate syrup and strawberries and sugar and…………..something else."

"If you stop saying toppings, I will. I have to come in so I can make sure you don't touch anything."

2-D frowned but perked up again when he got to tell Russel some jokes. He walked passed the door that cricked at its hinges and saw Russel sitting up on the couch.

"HAHAHHAHAHAHHA RUSSEL YOU LOOK LIKE A WALRUS!"

Russel looked up and saw 2-D. The poor man still had the cotton formations in his nose for the nose bleeds. He pulled them out and noticed the nose bleeds stopped.

2-D sat across from him.

"O my god Russel I never knew."

"Never knew what?"

"You had your period."

Murdoc was in the corner when he heard what 2-D said. He literally was about to crack open and probably laugh to death, but snickered instead.

Russel just sighed at the SAME comment again, and just asked what 2-D was here for.

"Well, I called 912, and then I called some place called the morgue of the city, or city morgan, something like that, and the guy he hung up on me because he wouldn't take my order."

"You were ordering him to help me?"

"OH yeah that is why I called, no, I was telling him my order for a '82 inch pizza."

Russel sighed once more.

"Only you 2-D, only you. But please continue"

"Well then I walked here to help you feel better."

"And.."

"AND, I was thinking of telling you some jokes to make you laugh."

"Well, do go on, it might make me feel better."

And Murdoc had to make one last comment.

"Doubt it though."

Russel turned his face to the man and Murdoc rolled his eyes as he walked to lay down on the couch. He did and 2-D continued.

"Ok here is one, what time is it when you don't have any ice cream?"

"Uhhhhhhhhh………..what?"

"Time to get more ice cream."

Russel literally slapped his hand on his fore head at 2-D's horrible joke. Murdoc laughed at it.

"Where did you learn that from, a cereal box?"

"Well, quite frankly I did, what's your point? Did you know I learned my history from a cereal box too, and I know everything of the Boston Tea Party."

"Well, I am quite amazed you can read now, but please enlightened me, what did you learn?"

"Oh that one day in 1492 there was this tea party in Boston. King Norman was trying to make the entire Spanish colonist drink all of this tea, and then the Spanish started talking in gibberish, and if you translated what they were saying they would be saying, "We don't want your tea and your crummy English muffins." And then Jesus was born."

Murdoc and Russel stared at 2-D sitting and smiling as he was proud of himself for telling something smart. Or at least what he thought was smart.

"2-D, you actually read that from a cereal box?"

"Yup."

"Were you reading it upside down?"

"Nope, all the cereal stayed inside the box like Murdoc told me too. He said to never ever turn over the box besides when you are pouring the cereal."

"Is that so?"

"Yup."

Murdoc looked at the two talking and decided to ask 2-D a question.

"Well, I told you even your alphabet right, and I told you the correct way to say it correct."

2-D nodded at Murdoc's comment. When he told him about that alphabet, he thought the one he was saying was correct, but Murdoc told him that it was incorrect so he decided to learn his.

"Wait so you, Murdoc, taught him the right way to say the alphabet. Yeah I believe that pack of lies, 2-D say the alphabet he taught you."

"Well, ok. QWERTYUIOPASDFGHJKLZXCVBNM."

"Ok and tell me the alphabet you knew."

And 2-D sang the original one.

"Murdoc are you trying to make 2-D look mental?"

"Well, he wanted to know if he was smart and I told him he wasn't and he asked if I could teach him how to be smart."

"It is true."

"Murdoc, sometimes I wonder if you really care about anyone except yourself."

Murdoc just ignored the comment and closed his eyes. 2-D sat back for a little while to gather his thought, and Russel sat wide eyed for no reason.

Silence.

"Macaroni, macaroni, macaroni, macaroni, put the cheese in the noodles and what do you get?"

Russel continued to sing this song to himself and Murdoc and 2-D looked at him utterly confused.

Russel sang for about a minute and then looked at Murdoc, and said to his face.

"Hey, your selling hotdogs, I love hotdogs, in fact, I think I will buy a hotdog right now, yeah I will buy a hotdog right now………………………..macaroni, macaroni, macaroni, macaroni ECT."

Murdoc looked at him.

"Man, how much of KnoxsKorner have you been watching?"

Russel did not answer.

"Ring, ring, ring, ring, banana phone, ring, ring, ring, ring, banana phone…"

"Umm Russel are you alright………Russel?"

**OK, now, I am paying my thanks to the creator of Banana Phone, and KnoxsKorner. And 2-D's jokes I am paying that to a joke my old friend got off a Popsicle stick. XD don't ask, but anyway, I tried my best with this one, I was having a comedy break down so I couldn't get it up as fast as I hoped. Please R&R and if you do I might update faster. I need reviews people!**

**KnoxsKorner- a website that contains funny videos of clay men. **** Phone- Ok, we all need to laugh at this song so I will give you all a link to it. ****http/ **


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